The Gold Standard Advice: Column #2
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I’ve been with my partner for forever now. I love him, but I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on the college experience! Is being single in college really worth losing a years-long and seemingly perfect relationship?
When my younger brother left for college, he had the same question. He, like any overly-eager teenage boy, said that he didn’t want to be “tied down” to one person when “college is for branching out and exploring different options!” So I’ll tell you what I told him:
There’s two sides to this coin. The first is that it’s fun to be single and flirt and explore different types of people and different relationships. I want everyone to have the time, space, and flexibility to explore the single world, see who they mesh well with, and build up their self-confidence and independence outside of a relationship. But the other side is that this time will eventually come. College seems like such a short window of time in the grand scheme of life: only four years to work towards your dream job, make an entire group of friends, dive into new relationships, join every club available, and still go to bed at a reasonable hour. It’s a jam-packed journey from start to finish. But eventually (or maybe not, I don’t know your relationship), there will come a time when you’ll be single. So if you’re already in a stable relationship with someone that still makes you giddy with good morning texts, why give it up? You’ll have the space and capacity to have your “hot girl/boy/nonbinary summer” and jump around with plenty of available suitors. I don’t think you should rush into that phase of your life if you’re happy where you are right now.
And why can’t you have the college experience with a loving partner? Can’t you both do the same things that single people do without the stress of actually being single? Go out with friends on weeknights! Run around at the Kollege Klub! Meet new people (but no flirting)! I say that the moment your partner starts to inhibit your ability to have a fabulous college social life, then it’s time to send ‘em packing.
What’s a good way to make and keep friends in college? I’m really struggling socially.
This is a great question because it’s simple in theory, but difficult in actuality. I would say the best way to make friends is to simply put yourself out there. Figure out what you're passionate about and throw yourself into it. Love to read? Join a student book club. Are you an up-and-coming makeup mogul? Write for Golden’s beauty blog (*wink* self-promo). Is your favorite mode of transportation rollerblading? Hop in with the Board and Blade club. It sounds cheesy but there really is something for everyone, and once you’ve found people that share the same passions as you, friendship comes naturally. At a school with about 35,000 undergrads, you’re bound to find the group of friends that's right for you.
As for keeping friends, that’s a bit trickier. I’ve been grappling with the idea of when to give more effort in a friendship and when to know that you’ve outgrown one another. So this is what I’ll say: make time for the healthy, reciprocated, genuine friendships that are worthy of your attention. I heard the other day that the healthiest relationships, whether romantic or not, work because both people put in effort just as much in the good times as they do in the bad. So when you put in effort, even as small as a “How are you?” or “Miss you, give me a call when you can!” text, it’s noticed. You build friendships from common interests, but preserve friendships through actions. Find the connection that makes you feel loved and lean into it, and that friendship will last.
And a final side note, just because you’re struggling socially right now, doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of the love and care of others! You will find your place. Hope this helps.
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Peace and Love,
The Gold Standard