What to do with an Ex?

Graphic by Janet Xiong

The infamous topic of exes can plague anyone,no one is safe. It can be daunting to remember that there is someone out there who knows so much about you…just loose in the wild. Breakups are hard. But it's never an excuse to destroy yourself or your life. So, where to go from here? Should people try to do everything in their power to forget the person, the relationship, and memories? Or maybe try the classic friends route? Looking at the pros and cons of each avenue one could go down with their ex may be helpful to determine the best way forward. Because remember, there is always a way forward. 

First there is the option of completely cutting them from your life. No contact (a classic), blocking and removing them from all socials, and never seeing them again. This option feels the closest to actually getting shot. However, if the relationship was an unhealthy one or ended in a fashion that was disrespectful to either party it may be the best avenue. It hurts the most right away but immediately speeds up that desired healing process everyone wants to begin. 

Second there is the choice to leave the door cracked open, just a bit. This one is the trickiest to manage in the beginning. It is typically led by denial regarding the end of the relationship. It can be seen through remaining mutuals on social media, perhaps a text or conversation every so often or even conveniently running into each other. While the delusion is that the ex couple is “trying to move on” the process is extremely slow. The dangerous part is that this can turn messy but sometimes this process, despite the prolonged heartache is what people need to cope with in the beginning. Everyone knows it usually won’t last but it is very tempting when the relationship and breakup was a healthy and loving one.

Finally the road of being friends. Can this even happen? Has it ever worked 100% on both ends? The large majority of the time is no. That is the unfortunate truth about exes. A breakup always has an unbalanced power dynamic even if both parties are involved in the breakup process. This route can be the most messy later on even if there is some comfort. Usually this worsens when one person moves on faster than the other. Let us not judge this avenue too harshly though, losing a friend to a failed relationship is heart wrenching and sometimes “friends” is the only way to cope. 

Overall, breakups suck. There is never a true “winning” option. Especially not right away. Every option has its advantages and disadvantages, it's up to the individual to decide which type of pain they want to endure and for how long, every relationship and breakup is different. While turning to friends and family can be helpful, no one can truly know what the heart says or what fate has in store. So remember, don’t judge your friend who can’t seem to stay away from their ex, or the

classmate who seemed to “move on immediately”. Whatever type of breakup occurs and however long the process lasts, it will be okay in the end.